Writing: The Great Detective

Many students find writing extremely difficult. One problem that many students have is cohesion: all the ideas need to be connected. I can often read a paragraph by a student and I think "oh, this is a nice paragraph about food", then suddenly WHAM!! The student writes a sentence about their weekend! Food and the weekend are not connected. There is no cohesion here.

a magnifying glass

Here is a short story about a great detective. However, the sentences are in the wrong order. Can you put the sentences in the correct order? (To make things a little easier, the first sentence is number 1.)

1.  The great detective was smoking his pipe at the end of a long day.

2.  There was no answer.

3.  Nothing happened.
4.  Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door.
5.  "Come in", called the great detective.
6.  He put down his pipe and walked over to the door.
7.  "Come in", he shouted again.
8.  The telephone rang.
9.  The man was still breathing.
10.When he opened it, the body of a man fell into the room.
11. He fell to the ground and listened carefully.

There is one sentence here that is not necessary. Which is it?
Copy the sentences and try and write the story in the correct order. The answers are after the jump.

   The great detective was smoking a pipe at the end of a long day. Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door.
   “Come in”, called the great detective.
   There was no answer.
   "Come in”, he shouted again. Nothing happened.
   He put down his pipe and walked over to the door. When he opened it, the body of a man fell into the room. He fell to the ground and listened carefully. The man was still breathing.

"The telephone rang" is not needed. Nobody answers it. Nobody hears it. Nobody talks about it. It does not connect to the story. If you got this right, very well done.